Don't ignore...

Don’t ignore my struggle with infertility and loss…

April 22^nd to the 28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. 

I am going to share a message I got from a girl on BabyCenter whom I have never met but just recently got to know.  I shared with her my story of struggle and loss.  She recently found out she is pregnant and it might be twins.  She wanted to know more of my loss.  I shared with her my experience and my low moments and the feeling I have inside that keeps me positive and strong for others in my position.

Dearest Karen,

I am speechless with emotion. Your strength is like none other than I've ever encountered. Honestly, I have no clue how I would even begin to survive after endeavoring what you did.

I am deeply sorry if I pried into your personal business, but I respect and admire your honesty with me. You are a survivor , sweetheart. And the fact that you already know that you have two special little angels that will be watching over you, brings a wiseness beyond years. You are so right Karen, they WILL see that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy. You are already a Mommy, you already know the love involved and on a deeper level than ever now and deeper than most people will ever know. Life is so very precious. And we are all so very fragile, as you know this all too well.

You and your DH are so strong to go through this being so far away from family. That must have been terribly hard to make those decisions, and I pray for healing in your heart for that.

I wanted to tell you that I am going to start an anonymous prayer circle for you in my family and church for strength, guidance, Peace, and Hope. We always pass prayers for those in need along to each other and I believe that having prayer all over the world only makes your call louder to His ears.

If you are testing on Tuesday I am SOOO stalking the thread! I will be up early anyhow so I will be waiting to hear from you, about if you get your BFP. Yes I would agree that you should know by then. But as we know, it’s not over until AF shows her ugly face.

If you get that BFN, have that cold beer, maybe two. You deserve to be able to un-wind. But I am KMFX that you won’t be able to order that beer! ;O)

I am here for you....as a woman, as a friend, as a "someone to vent to" . I know we don’t really know each other well but we have shared our most personal stories with each other and you have shared a story with me that has given me a strength beyond words.

Your DH must be so proud of you. :o)

Forgive the novel I wrote you! It’s just that my heart really feels for you. Not in a self pity way, in a yearning for your wishes way. I want to hear and read your success story all the way to the pictures of you holding your DS or DD in your arms.

Keep up that spirit that you have. Your boys will see you through this. I truly believe that.

Until our next conversation, God Bless you Karen.

Kindly,

Nicole

It helps to know that I can reach people with my story and my boys have touched people’s lives and always will.

The fact of the matter is I have a disease.  Many women out there have it.  Many of them have conquered it will the help of medical science.  Just as I am trying to do.  But it’s not an easy road.  It’s full of so many emotions…hope, fear, strength, defeat, caution, depression, happiness, sadness, grief, pity, and so many more I can’t even think that I myself have experienced. 

The problem is that insurance companies don’t see it as a medical necessity to cover treatments for infertility.  Todd and I have paid every penny of our 3+ year journey out of our own pockets.  The government is trying to focus on mandatory coverage for birth control…well what about us women who want kids so bad it hurts and we can’t have them.  You are perfectly fine with helping women not have children, but won’t help those of us that do.

I used to live in Connecticut, where infertility coverage was mandatory.  But there were even loopholes to that.  If the company you worked for was a large corporation and could afford to self-fund their insurance, they didn’t have to offer coverage.  Most small businesses have to have it, but they may only provide a lifetime benefit of $10,000.  Not even enough for one round of In Vitro.  Todd and I both worked for corporations that offered no coverage.  Here in Colorado we have nothing.  So it’s not different really than living in Connecticut.  Thankfully the out-of-pocket expenses are less out here.

So just know that there are millions of women out there struggling to start a family and many of them will not have kids because they cannot afford the advanced care they need to conceive.  How is it fair that these women aren’t allowed to be mothers, and there are men out their not allowed to be father as well.

Keep that in mind tonight when you are sitting down to eat dinner or watch the local news or whatever it is you do at night.  There is plenty of unfairness in the world.  Is it fair that I have to spend thousands of dollars to become a mother?  I certainly don’t think so.

Here is some information from RESOLVE

About National Infertility Awareness Week

What Is Infertilty?

For Friends and Family of Those Suffering from Infertility