Moving on

At the doctor's this morning to get bloodwork and an ultrasound to start this next cycle. I already have my Clomid so I can start that tonight. I just have to order the Follistim and my trigger.
Feeling better about this cycle. Not sure why. I try to feel good about every cycle!!
I have a feeling my IUI will be close to Mother's Day. I hope that means something!
Thank you all for your love and support.
We appreciate it.

Not this time...

It looks like this cycle is coming to a close.  Two home tests came up negative so I'm going to stop the progesterone and move on to the next round.  Thankfully the whole process should start again soon.

It's important to stay positive about things though.  Todd and I talked this morning and it's okay that it didn't work this time, but it will work and we just have to keep trying.

Thanks for all the love and support this time around, let's hope for better results next time!

Don't ignore...

Don’t ignore my struggle with infertility and loss…

April 22^nd to the 28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. 

I am going to share a message I got from a girl on BabyCenter whom I have never met but just recently got to know.  I shared with her my story of struggle and loss.  She recently found out she is pregnant and it might be twins.  She wanted to know more of my loss.  I shared with her my experience and my low moments and the feeling I have inside that keeps me positive and strong for others in my position.

Dearest Karen,

I am speechless with emotion. Your strength is like none other than I've ever encountered. Honestly, I have no clue how I would even begin to survive after endeavoring what you did.

I am deeply sorry if I pried into your personal business, but I respect and admire your honesty with me. You are a survivor , sweetheart. And the fact that you already know that you have two special little angels that will be watching over you, brings a wiseness beyond years. You are so right Karen, they WILL see that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy. You are already a Mommy, you already know the love involved and on a deeper level than ever now and deeper than most people will ever know. Life is so very precious. And we are all so very fragile, as you know this all too well.

You and your DH are so strong to go through this being so far away from family. That must have been terribly hard to make those decisions, and I pray for healing in your heart for that.

I wanted to tell you that I am going to start an anonymous prayer circle for you in my family and church for strength, guidance, Peace, and Hope. We always pass prayers for those in need along to each other and I believe that having prayer all over the world only makes your call louder to His ears.

If you are testing on Tuesday I am SOOO stalking the thread! I will be up early anyhow so I will be waiting to hear from you, about if you get your BFP. Yes I would agree that you should know by then. But as we know, it’s not over until AF shows her ugly face.

If you get that BFN, have that cold beer, maybe two. You deserve to be able to un-wind. But I am KMFX that you won’t be able to order that beer! ;O)

I am here for you....as a woman, as a friend, as a "someone to vent to" . I know we don’t really know each other well but we have shared our most personal stories with each other and you have shared a story with me that has given me a strength beyond words.

Your DH must be so proud of you. :o)

Forgive the novel I wrote you! It’s just that my heart really feels for you. Not in a self pity way, in a yearning for your wishes way. I want to hear and read your success story all the way to the pictures of you holding your DS or DD in your arms.

Keep up that spirit that you have. Your boys will see you through this. I truly believe that.

Until our next conversation, God Bless you Karen.

Kindly,

Nicole

It helps to know that I can reach people with my story and my boys have touched people’s lives and always will.

The fact of the matter is I have a disease.  Many women out there have it.  Many of them have conquered it will the help of medical science.  Just as I am trying to do.  But it’s not an easy road.  It’s full of so many emotions…hope, fear, strength, defeat, caution, depression, happiness, sadness, grief, pity, and so many more I can’t even think that I myself have experienced. 

The problem is that insurance companies don’t see it as a medical necessity to cover treatments for infertility.  Todd and I have paid every penny of our 3+ year journey out of our own pockets.  The government is trying to focus on mandatory coverage for birth control…well what about us women who want kids so bad it hurts and we can’t have them.  You are perfectly fine with helping women not have children, but won’t help those of us that do.

I used to live in Connecticut, where infertility coverage was mandatory.  But there were even loopholes to that.  If the company you worked for was a large corporation and could afford to self-fund their insurance, they didn’t have to offer coverage.  Most small businesses have to have it, but they may only provide a lifetime benefit of $10,000.  Not even enough for one round of In Vitro.  Todd and I both worked for corporations that offered no coverage.  Here in Colorado we have nothing.  So it’s not different really than living in Connecticut.  Thankfully the out-of-pocket expenses are less out here.

So just know that there are millions of women out there struggling to start a family and many of them will not have kids because they cannot afford the advanced care they need to conceive.  How is it fair that these women aren’t allowed to be mothers, and there are men out their not allowed to be father as well.

Keep that in mind tonight when you are sitting down to eat dinner or watch the local news or whatever it is you do at night.  There is plenty of unfairness in the world.  Is it fair that I have to spend thousands of dollars to become a mother?  I certainly don’t think so.

Here is some information from RESOLVE

About National Infertility Awareness Week

What Is Infertilty?

For Friends and Family of Those Suffering from Infertility

Another Tuesday

Had a good day today. Went to work. Had lunch with one of my favorite people. Came home and had the living room measured for new laminate floor. It's exciting to have that done to our house. And by making the upgrade we can finally let Jack into the living room! The cats better watch out!!!!!!

Five Months Passed

It has been five months since Tobin and Miles went to heaven to be angels.  I know they are watching over Todd and I and helping us through the days.  It helps to have focus on  the possible as their 40 week due date approaches, though technically this Wednesday marks 38 weeks which is full term for twins.  They never would have lasted that long so at this point they would be here snuggled up with me.

I miss you guys so much.  I wish I would have gotten the chance to get to know you.

On a lighter note, 4dpo (days past ovulation).  Just ticking away the time until I can test to see if this worked.

This week should be amazing.  I am having lunch with my boss tomorrow.  My treat since he has treated the last two.  Then Todd and I have Friday off for...

I have seen the show before but Todd has not.  We had bought tickets so that I could go with him and my mom back in Connecticut but just days before he broke his ankle so he opted out and we asked my BFF to go instead.  It was amazing but he missed out on it.  Now all I have to do is keep him in one piece until Friday!!!

Happy Monday, y'all!!!!  Make it a great one!!!

Entering the dreaded 2WW

Okay so I'm home and relaxing after the IUI.  Everything went swimmingly.  Pun intended.

Todd was a rockstar.  He did so well and we have the possibility for some positive results.  Also pun intended.

Thoughts and prayers welcome for the next couple of weeks until we know the results.

Let's ROCK AND ROLL!!

My body is ready to go finally.  Two on the right 22.5 and 17.5.  Trigger tonight and IUI on Thursday morning. 

Prayers and positive thougths welcome.  :)

Happy Easter!!!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday.  Our ham is in the oven and it smells awesome!

As for my appointment this morning I did have a little bit of growth but not enough, so more injections and back again on Tuesday morning.  Hopefully I will see better growth then.

Results

I don't have them yet so don't get too excited!! I'm leaving in about an hour to go for my first ultrasound and bloodwork to see how I am responding to the medication this cycle. I have done five days of Clomid 100mg and three days of Follistim 100ius. Hopefully they will be able to see a couple of front runners.

UPDATE

So back from my scan - I have a 14mm on the right and several right around 10, and on the left several around 10.  Lining is 7.8.  He thinks I will continue on the same dose and come back Monday morning to check on that 14 and maybe a couple of others.  More than likely trigger Monday and IUI Tuesday or Wednesday.

SECOND UPDATE

Going for another ultrasound on Sunday morning instead to check the follicle growth.  7:15 on Easter morning!  WEEE!!!!

Happy Birthday to me

Well it appears as though I am going to survive my 33rd birthday.  I really thought I was going to spend it snuggling with my twin babies.  Small and soft and smelling just like babies do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about how I spent it.  Todd was amazing and too generous.  A special meal, some beautiful gifts.  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birthday any other year, but this one is a tad bittersweet because there was something missing.  But I know they were there with me making sure that it was as perfect a birthday as it could be.

Thank you, Todd, for making me feel special every day.  I don't know what I would do without you in my life.  I love you so much.

Tobin and Miles, thank you for making me a mommy.  I never would have had that title if it wasn't for you and even though you aren't here with me, I know you are always with me.

Mom, love you more.  Thank you for being my constant best friend.

Michelle - thank you for being my sister.  The one I can still be goofy with and myself with.  Even if we sit in silence, just knowing you are there brings me happiness.

To my friends, in Connecticut and here in Colorado.  You are blessings in my life and I can't thank you enough for being in it.

Happy birthday to me!

April Fools Day!

So I start the day by reading all of the "I'm pregnant" jokes on Facebook.  Thankfully it only took me half a second to realize it's April 1st.  While I know they just meant to get a laugh out of people, it still stung a little bit.  It's alright though.  No one was being malicious or anything.

Had a wonderful weekend with my husband.  Had a great dinner last night at The Melting Pot.  Great food and great ambiance.  Today we went shopping for my birthday and I got some really nice things.  I'll try and add some photos of my gifts later on.

Now it's finding the motivation to go grocery shopping.  It's been 80 degrees the last two days and now we could see snow tomorrow.  Yuck...

Day four of my Clomid tonight.  I finish up my pills tomorrow and move on to the injections Tuesday.  Weeee!!!!